The past few months at the Holm house have been a bit tougher than usual. Long days, health problems, hurting friends, heavy workloads, lack of sleep– it has all worked together to produce some weariness in both Michael and myself. And while I think we’re handling things well, we’re also tired. I know I haven’t been as cheery as I normally am when he comes home. I am still so happy to see him after a long day of just me and the Bullfrog, but I haven’t been communicating it as well.
Marriage brings together two people and creates something special. But even though you may love your husband and he may love you back, often it takes more than love for a marriage to survive.
Our marriages need to be tended everyday like gardens. You can’t just water your plants once a month or forget to pull the weeds. If you do, then you won’t have a garden very long, but instead a place where the garden used to be. You have to be aware of the conditions outside– has it rained recently? Is it going to get above 90 degrees this week? All of that needs to be taken into account to help you plan how to tend your garden.
There is so much that happens in a given day that can bring you closer to your husband. It can also pull you just a tiny bit farther apart if you aren’t careful. Being aware of those things, and adjusting how you care for one another can really go a long way to helping your marriage survive. If there is distance between you– if you don’t feel close– it’s not going to magically fix itself if you “give it time.” Contrary to popular opinion, time doesn’t heal all wounds… in fact, given enough time, we’ll all die and rot away.
Tending your marriage is going to look different for you than it does for me. For instance, one of the things Michael and I will do when we need to spend time together but we’re too drained for anything else is to play Nintendo. Specifically, Mario Kart. This is probably not going to work for most of you, but for us it’s a fun thing to do where we are interacting, snuggling, joking, and trash talking each other. He always beats me, but that’s okay.
And of course, there are the date nights, flowers, cards, and sweet texts throughout the day– we try to tend to our marriage in as many ways as we can. So when I came across this blog post from How About Orange I decided to stop what I was doing right then and make a banner for Michael. It was during J’s nap and he had already slept for about an hour and a half, so you know I was on borrowed time to try and get anything else done. But, I didn’t file it away to do later, when the ideal circumstances presented themselves. I like to imagine there will come a day when my house is clean and I’ll have a space to myself where my craft supplies are beautifully organized. There will be music playing and a cup of hot tea sitting next to my sewing machine. I will also have more than 15 minutes to spend working on a project. But, that day is not today (or likely to be anytime soon) so instead I furiously printed, cut and pasted, and strung this banner together. I did not design it myself, cut it out perfectly along the lines, or print it on card stock as recommended. This is not an example of me at my creative best; it is instead an example of how I tended to my marriage today. Right Now.